Spanked kids are RESPECTFUL, OBEDIENT kids - Or, A Ridiculous Romanticization of the "Old School" Version of Parenting.

The caveat of physically disciplining children: if this style of discipline worked, the children would only misbehave ONCE, get spanked, and never do it again (same goes for the prison experience). If your argument is that there are many TYPES of misbehavior that need to be corrected, you're advocating hitting a child for something THEY didn't know was wrong, otherwise, if they did, the fact that they were ever hit would serve as incentive that they should never misbehave again. Nothing makes a child perfect, and using force is just fun for a sadistic parent, a shortcut to thinking, or an automated response that perpetuates the cycle of abuse the hitter was in as a child. Respect does NOT mean FEAR, otherwise we'd respect bullies, serial killers, and terrorists. Respect does not mean automatically submitting to authority, otherwise we'd respect every politician, lawmaker, and cop. We would never break a law.

Respect "is a positive feeling of esteem or deference for a person or other entity (such as a nation or a religion), and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem. Respect can be a specific feeling of regard for the actual qualities of the one respected (e.g., 'I have great respect for her judgment'). It can also be conduct in accord with a specific ethic of respect." So, respect is reverence, consideration, and trust. Children should not respect, revere, or trust a parent who intentionally injures them - or they're being set up to expect that in adulthood. Which, if you think about it, is pretty fucked up.

I am not advocating letting a kid do whatever they want. Dahlia doesn't get to do whatever she wants, and she's also not abused. It's possible, so don't tell me it isn't.

So fuck this "pro-old-school-parenting" nonsense that's going around on Facebook. Unless you're going to laud chopping off limbs to fight crime, don't look back nostalgically as a slave fondly recalling their chains. Break free and end the cycle of abuse. And use your BRAIN when you say ugly shit like "there's a difference between hitting and abuse" because, uhp, hitting IS abuse. If you walked up to a stranger and smacked their ass, you'd get arrested. Treat kids better than strangers, not WORSE, and we'll have a better, more peaceful, more confident, more secure world.

Discipline isn't always a pain in the ass.

Yesterday, a lady told me I should come to her work and teach some classes, because she overheard me lecturing Dahlia on the importance of intention vs. action. This happened because three weeks ago we vowed to stop yelling at Dahlia completely, and start talking to her (at length if necessary) until she understood the importance of being well-behaved (on a case-by-case basis). This is pretty win/win, because we have to first examine whether or not we're potentially sanctioning an ACTUALLY bad behavior, or if we're just punishing her because she's doing something "inconvenient" but not actually bad (e.g. taking too long to put on her socks, to arrest our attention) - AND she has time to consider the consequences of her actions.


It's weird to actually say to your kid "do you need some attention right now?" ...but it's eye-opening. Sometimes she'll say "yes, you haven't been talking to me very much today, other than during school" and I'll realize she's right, I've been dicking around for half an hour arguing with some dbag in a Facebook group/cleaning/reading/ignoring all humankind. A portion of the time, however, I will be knee-deep in something of actual importance, and then she gets a lesson in patience and not being the only person on Earth. I love this kid more than the universe is ever-expanding, but if I drop every single thing I'm doing to indulge her every six year old whim, she may grow up to be an entitled dbag - and I, as a result, will become a hollow shell of a woman.


Soooo... no hitting/spanking, no yelling, lots of communication, sometimes restrictions (if she thinks it's more important to scream about something than to be free to roam, she has to sit in her room until she can calm down - those are the consequences - a bad mood is not excuse to ruin everyone else's experience). It's been extremely interesting - and not being able to lean on "because I said so" is a trip! Her tantrum/screaming/fit level is at 2% rather than an average of 10%, which I consider a great success. Also, she's started taking her OWN deep breaths to calm down, rather than waiting to be prompted to do so. WOOOOOO!