Beginning CPS Distance Learning

We began by identifying the date (with day of week, month, and year as well). We put a weather sticker on to indicate it was cloudy. We spelled cloudy. We began discussing birds.

Then we did the distance learning lesson from his usual Pre-K teacher, Ms. K.

He went around the house and identified lots of items that began with the letter B. I asked him to spell bird first, without help. He spelled B-E-T. After we saw the words a few times, he spelled B-I-D. I asked which sound he forgot. He said R, and spelled it correctly. Being a distributed proofreader for Project Gutenberg, I only cried a little. Hahahaha!

He was tasked with making a nest out of household items. Yesterday was Easter (we're mostly atheists in this family, but we still celebrate all holidays - especially at our UU church), so that was pretty effective.

Speaking of Easter, here's some tiny snapshots:

The kids got 4 baskets (2 from us, 2 from their grandparents), super soakers from their great grandparents, and I made "carrots" (croissant type things stuffed with egg salad). There was zero Jesus talk, which was delightful. We all colored eggs on Saturday night (glitter unicorn & foam swirl & regular). There was an egg hunt arranged by their grandma the next morning! I made sweet cheese crepes with raspberry sauce for breakfast.

Rick made special grilled zucchini and spinach lasagna with bechamel! Great-grandparents were celebrating with us and a lovely time was had by all.

Monday's school exercise time was the Ryan's World Exercise Dance Party video. 

There will also be lots of outdoor time today.

Quarantine - Homeschool: Redux.

Due to the COVID-19 executive orders and recommended guidelines of the CDC and WHO, we are sheltering in place.

 What place? Tennessee! With our loved ones and grandparents aplenty. :)

 There are all kinds of differences and challenges here, but I'm so glad we're with our big extended family. We totally miss Beer & Chocolate Tuesdays with our friends, as well as the kids' friends, and our preferred places in Chicago. But the clean air, no confirmed COVID-19 cases around us, wide open spaces, and our ability to expansively garden on acreage are a great thing for us. So far we have onions, garlic, and seeds we'll be planting shortly (radishes, russian kale, leeks, etc). Escher is starting to identify more plants & get more outdoor time than in Chicago. Dahlia is much less depressed than she was in December. She's still struggling a little bit with anxiety, but she's managing well with her therapist's help.

And onto the subject of them being out of school. Since I have more time on my hands than usual, I decided to do an easy homeschool routine with Escher. We do a journal page where he writes the date, then draws four quadrants. Each of the quadrants contains some information about what he's doing, how he's feeling (so I can keep up with his emotional state), something he'd like to do someday, and a fun activity (which allows him to consider what to do if he gets bored). Here's the first day's journal page:

Teaching him to read and write has been on my agenda for a long time (Dahlia could do both by the time she was 3-4 so even though I'm not supposed to compare them for milestones, I kind of do). But I was working full time, hosting a weekly get-together, doing volunteer stuff as needed, tending to Dahlia's emotional & psychological well-being, and other important things - so I was too tired. But now:

He's still getting homework assignments from his regular school, so he's doing those as well. 

Eventually I got a Melissa & Doug school set from the Amish store by us. He seems to love it, particularly because it has a bell, a timer, and a pointer with a fake crayon at the end. 

It bears mentioning that I also have him doing yoga three times per week, gardening with me and his grandma, and he has online meetings with his church friends. He will also start doing distance learning with his regular teacher from Pre-K soon. Which technically means this is supplemental. I think it's important. :) 

Dahlia has started doing Khan Academy & will be expected to continue her school's online learning curriculum. She's been recreationally reading, compiling recipes, being an adorable teenager, and having Zoom meetings with our church's youth group (and BCT in Absentia). I think she and I may start running together soon. 

Rick and I have been doing our best to keep up a nice routine for them (although Escher likes to hang out with his grandma in the early morn - which makes us perfectly happy to sleep in sometimes since we don't ever get that luxury in Chicago). We're organizing our stuff, settling us in, and figuring out our new temporary normal. My resting heart rate has decreased pretty drastically for the past few weeks, which is weird because I was very upset that my life was turned upside down by my regular career's abrupt shutdown. All is well so far. :) 

The Messy Business of Gender and Our Kids

If you're like "lol caitlyn is bruce still because birth" you should probably read this - I took the time to write it and everyone can use some interesting science knowledge that's written so simply Dahlia could teach it to Escher. And it's pretty hilarious in parts, so that's the hook.

ALLLLL RIIIIIIGHT.

Let's have a talk about sex determination. In mammals (that's us, dudes), there are two processes (sequential in nature) that determine the overall sex/gender of a developing fetus. Primary sex determination starts vaguely happening after approximately four weeks of fetal development. Rudimentary structures that will form gonads start to form. At week 7 of fetal development, XYs start to sprout two different sex parts: the testicular cord and interstitial region. XXs don't develop distinguished ladyjunk until later. This shit is all determined by genes, though the introduction of serious doses of endocrine disruptors can totally override the sequence of events that make Boys and Girls, per se. So that's one step, and it can be altered. There are things OTHER than XX ("girl") and XY ("boy"). In fact, there's XXX, XXXX, XXXXX, XXXXY, XXY (Klinefelter), Non-Klinefelter XXY, Turner syndrome (X without Y, but considered female), XX male syndrome (considered male but very small significance of male sex characteristics), XXXY, XXYY, XYY, and Y chromosome microdeletion.

Secondary sex determination is a far more messy experience: Early in development, the effects of testosterone and AMH (a hormone) cause Wolffian ducts to develop into a vas deferens and other boyparts. If there isn't a whole lotta testosterone or AMH, the Wolffian ducts shrivel up, causing Müllerian ducts to develop into the female fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix, and upper vagina. But as we all should know from taking ANY SCIENCE WHATSOEVER, that doesn't always happen perfectly. Some males lack a pee-tube, balls, or sperm creation. Some females lack any one of the ladyparts required for babymaking. Some have both. Some have neither. COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THIS, there is the idea of gender identity. No matter how supremely uncomfortable it may make you... every individual - because we're living in 20-fucking-15, has the ability to shape and put forth their own goddamn gender identity. At birth we are not granted a special crown that tells us For The Rest of Your Life, You Have to do All Boy Things (or All Girl Things). We all have intersex brains, most of us produce BOTH estrogen and testosterone (unless you have a genetic mutation that prevents it), and we are all capable of doing everything each other does, in the physical realm (except baby things, but not everyone has kids anyway). We can even fashion new genitals with surgery. So to sit there and say SEX IS STATIC CHROMOSOMES DETERMINE IT THE END is like saying "okay everyone named Kristi has to be a stripper and can do nothing else in life. Everyone named Ashley has to..." blah blah blah. It's archaic, shortsighted, ridiculous, and it should probably bring shame on your family.

So how does this relate to the upbringing of children? Entirely. No child should be forced to fit in a gender box, especially when it's the last thing they want. Phrases like "ugh, you're such a tomboy, can't you be more girlie?" and "stop being a girl and crying so much, be a man, son!" have NO place in raising children. People who use religion to uphold these ridiculous ideals are hugely at fault for many problems foisted unnecessarily on young people navigating puberty. In an already difficult and ever-changing world, let your child develop without gender expectations. They will fully realize their own gender at some point in their life, and respect their decision. I saw the show Sense8 the other day, and the character Nomi (who is trans) was repeatedly berated and called Michael against her wishes by her overbearing and frankly SHITTY mother. Don't be that person. If you need help, ask. I am personally living with the same gender identity as my corresponding sex at birth - but I have plenty of friends who aren't, and that's okay. For the most part, though I cannot speak for the entire community as I am not a member, trans people are sick of the concept that they should be treated as lesser-than by the morally superior (in their mind) segment of society that believes you cannot change your sex or gender - so forcing the idea won't make it more comfortable or lovely for us to all coexist peacefully and respectfully.

If you rape a prostitute, is it just shoplifting?

Original Sun Times article here.

Mary Mitchell, who seems like she would be my archnemesis, from some of the more uninspired and alarmist soccer mom tweets and articles she puts forth into the world (e.g. her gem of a tweet on July 15, 2015: ow.ly/PFaY7 I like to enjoy art, not be shocked by it.), wrote an opinion piece which posited that a sex worker who was raped at gunpoint shouldn't have been considered a rape victim, at least not on par with a girl who was raped during a home invasion, because she was asking for it. As if there weren't a shortage of cheap-shot jokes about "dead hookers" and shoplifting rape. I attempted to go to the comments to write a response, but there wasn't a field for it.

So, I'll post what I would have written, here:

First, what you MEAN is - Tom Dart waged a war on business transactions that should, for every reason, be perfectly legal. If you can sell your hair and plasma, and rent the space in your uterus for nine months - all legally - there's absolutely no reason someone who may give away sex for free should be banned from the sale of it. This is 2015, the Draconian laws on sex should start reflecting that. Ridiculous.

Second, your analogy fails. If a boxer goes to meet a fellow fighter and that other person ambushes him and beats him to death, you wouldn't suggest that his death is "lesser than" someone who was beaten to death who had never been in a fight. You wouldn't say a firefighter that stepped in to help put out a fire in a restaurant that resulted in something falling from the ceiling and killing him "lesser than" someone who died in a fire in their sleep.

This sort of divisive writing is spurious; it's ACTUALLY a joke. The punchline to rape apologist frat boy jokes ("is it shoplifting if you rape a hooker" hur hur hur). Lazy journalism. Furthermore, Tom Dart and his sex worker war are as pathetic as this piece. Get over it, Chicago. If someone can legally meet someone, have dinner bought for them, receive flowers, and then have sex with their admirer - there's zero reason they can't have a more direct cash transaction and skip the nonsense. Especially WOMEN who denigrate other women who engage in sex for pay seem like they're jealous they've had to give sex away all these years. Must be because I have no interest in it that my attitude is "treat all sex workers as people, perhaps they'll be seen as such by society, and they'll stop ending up face-down in ditches with bullet holes in their heads."

You're GRATEFUL that he wasn't charged with "snatching" an "innocent" woman off the street? How sick are you? This woman was RAPED at GUNPOINT and you're reserving judgment of HER rather than her attacker? It's at this point that the phrase "rape culture" seems especially poignant when you'd rather demonize a VICTIM than her ATTACKER. Get some psychological help re: your unresolved issues with women being able to turn a profit on sex. And until then, do yourself and everyone else a favor and don't write about it. Embarrassing.  

Hopefully I'll live to see an age where sex workers can engage in legal business enterprise in Chicago. If you look at it neutrally, their service is ONLY beneficial. It isn't even akin to drugs, where one can make the argument that their usage is harmful and addiction is crippling. It's sex. When paid for, at least it's satisfying. At most, it's therapeutic. That women are legally compelled to give all sex away for free that they engage in, is borderline fascism. It's bad enough they aren't allowed full reproductive freedom, at least legalize the commercial utility of their vagina.

And I'm going to say something, now. By the end of the article, the reader is propositioned FOUR TIMES to "follow" Mary Mitchell.

Would it really be stalking if someone followed you to your house and pointed a gun in your face?

I mean, you were asking for it.

Lepidopteraphobia

Discrimination - Kenneth Rexroth

I don’t mind the human race.
I’ve got pretty used to them
In these past twenty-five years.
I don’t mind if they sit next
To me on streetcars, or eat
In the same restaurants, if
It’s not at the same table.
However, I don’t approve
Of a woman I respect
Dancing with one of them. I’ve
Tried asking them to my home
Without success. I shouldn’t
Care to see my own sister
Marry one. Even if she
Loved him, think of the children.
Their art is interesting,
But certainly barbarous.
I’m sure, if given a chance,
They’d kill us all in our beds.
And you must admit, they smell.

** Kenneth Rexroth is my spirit animal.