Seven Even BETTER Ways to Beat Summer Blahs!

http://www.babble.com/babble-voices/at-large-meagan-francis/2013/05/23/3-ways-to-prevent-the-summer-break-blahs/

So, I read the above article, expecting to encounter some wonderful ideas for filling up summer time (for families kids who don't homeschool year-round, as I do). Instead, I was met with three ideas that don't really contribute anything fun to family life. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that the woman has five children to my ONE, but still... life with a small army can be even more exciting than a solitary kidventure.

That said, here are MY (seven) ways to beat summer blahs:

1. Stalk EVERY museum. Look into a few things to keep costs down: reciprocal memberships (http://astc.org/sciencecenters/find.php & http://www.astc.org/members/passlist.htm), local library museum passes, free days and chunks of time (Thursdays, 6pm - 8pm). Find a very large library in your nearest huge metro area and GO there!

2. Go to festivals! http://www.festivals.com/ - this is particularly helpful if you have a certain ideology or lifestyle - for example, the Gay Pride parade, here in Chicago we have the Veggie Pride parade in May (we're vegetarians), and Veggie Fest in August. Taste of Chicago, Jazz Fest, Peace Fest (if you're cool with the pot smell), and all kinds of fun events are around the area. Pack food, pack light, don't forget sunscreen and a change of clothes!

3. Do some unschooling. Now, if you think unschooling is something that has to be decided in advance, structured into a day, and then the results have to be carefully measured for empirical proof of effectiveness, you're barking up the wrong tree. Take a nature walk, go on a hike, try to identify flowers/herbs/plants, learn a few processes (photosynthesis, color-changing in leaves, life cycles of plants and bugs vis-a-vis soil, etc) - go to a large body of water, find a scavenger hunt for the forest, and if you live in a metropolitan area - go to a "nature preserve." If your kid is allergic to the outdoors, hang out at the library. Infinite resources and goodness! LEARN SOME STUFF. Learning is almost never a waste of time.

4. Buy a cheapie science instrument and use it. Look at the stars in a telescope or use your smartphone to show your kids Google Sky. Get a microscope and collect bugs from windowsills to check out. The usual cheap microscopes have premade slides of bug abdomens, snake scales, and a few other interesting items, so just look for other things to populate empty slides with, like pieces of your sweater fibers, eyelashes, dandruff, dust, salt, sugar, and flower petals.

5. Have a bonfire and tell scary stories. If you don't have a fire pit, there are lots of ways to make one on the cheap: http://pinterest.com/liaf1049/outdoor-firepit-ideas/ - building a fire pit is a great family project. Go on craiglist/freecycle for bricks/stones, that's the cheapest (and maybe even free) route. If you live in an apartment, you can build this one that can be used safely indoors: http://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/how-to-make-a-personal-fire-pit-for-cheap/

6. Have a theme day: board game day, makeup and theatrical costuming day, Netflix documentary marathon day, printed coloring pages from the internet day, cleaning and dance party day, reading aloud from weird poetry books day, going park-hopping day. Do something, any one thing, all day. It'll be varying shades of weird, fun, boring, silly, and enlightening.

7. Browse instructables and make something! I do this quite a bit. Enough to buy the book (which I did). In fact, in browsing instructables for this post, 27 minutes have inexplicably disappeared from my life. Craaaazy. Currently, we're trying our hand at making soaps. Rick learned to make jewelry, I already had been making jewelry, and Dahlia is starting to make little necklaces with beads and string. It's all good! And if you're not too into making things, per se: http://www.cs.earlham.edu/~jimg/reading/bored.html - 474 things to do when you're bored!

I hope in reading this you've come up with some great ideas. Don't make excuses, see things through, and teach your children well. Remember you're the model for their behavior (even more than Miley Cyrus or the Backyardigans). But most importantly, live your life while you still can. One day you won't have more days ahead.

Thought Catalog is pretty Separatist.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/5-things-that-girls-are-not-allowed-to-have-an-opinion-on/

1. I don't watch sports, I play them. My husband doesn't watch OR play them. Averse.
2. My husband hates war even more than I do.
3. My husband is more understanding to the plights of women than I am. He once described menstruation as "a beautiful process" that he's "fully comfortable with." Sometimes I'm like "uhghhhghghgh, I'm bleeding out of my baby hooooole, waaaah." Did I mention he washes my moon cup for me? That's love, if nothing else.
4. I don't drool over dudes, by and large. If I ever have (see: EDDIE VEDDER) he laughs about it.
5. My husband is an anarchist, as I am, and we both dislike Obama equally. You'd have to believe in the presidency as a valid thing to be concerned about whether or not someone was born in American territory.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/5-things-men-are-not-allowed-to-have-an-opinion-on/

1. My husband's opinion on abortion is that if someone doesn't have a uterus, they also don't have an opinion on abortion, since they can't get one. Same with gay marriage, human rights, etc.
2. My husband's opinion on who women sleep with, even my past sexual history, is none of his business. But I tell him anyway, just so there isn't a gap between what's happened and what he knows.
3. My husband's opinion is that I am always beautiful, with or without makeup, but he sees less of my face when I'm wearing makeup, so he prefers au naturelle.
4. See above: #3 Girls Section
5. My husband isn't really interested in spreading bullshit about how women are all beautiful just the way they are, etc. He's a bit more honest than that.

Can we talk about how there isn't a male/female brain divide, in real life? TED talk about how male/female brain division is stupid.

Definitive Guide to Turning Your Wii Into a DVD/MP3 player (with photo storage capabilities).

So, you bitch aloud because you can't stick a Redbox DVD into your Wii. Why the hell did Nintendo make something that can read thin, plastic/metal, circular discs... but ONLY in the form of games? Those games are written on DVDs... what gives, dudes?! Why the hell can't I play CDs and DVDs on my Wii?!

The answer is: you CAN, it's just that Nintendo doesn't want you to. Seriously. They *could* include an update, or a channel, that would give your Wii DVD/CD player capabilities, without taking away any game-play functionality... buuuut they don't. They'd have to fork over $20 per Wii to The DVD Consortium (proprietary usage of "DVD" technology, and all). So I'm going to teach you how to do this for yourself. It's *not* hard.

And now, the steps! - DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE WORDINESS OF THE STEPS, I just tried to make everything as ironclad and as clear as possible, without delving into any of the technicalities or using any shortcut lingo:

This is an SD card. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

0. Get an SD card, and a computer that you can stick the SD card into. Full size (like the one pictured above), or if you need to use a Micro-SD card, have an adapter [if you try using an SD card that doesn't work, it's probably the rare unicorn SD card that isn't FAT32 formatted, so you'll need to fix that, either by formatting, if you know how, or using a different card - but the chances of that happening are near-null]. Make sure your SD card's little switch is NOT set to LOCK for this entire process. Make sure your Wii is fully updated (to 4.3U). Do these things BEFORE you start the process.

The screen where you can find your MAC address.

1. Get your Wii's MAC address. Turn on your Wii. From the channel screen, press the button on the bottom left. It's marked "Wii." Then there will be two buttons, and the one on the right, "Wii Settings" is what you're looking for. From that screen, page over to the right with the arrow, which will bring you to the option "Internet" which is the third down from the top. From there, you'll select "console settings" and that will show you your MAC address. If you don't understand written instructions well, here's a video for reference, that makes it easy for you visual learners: http://youtu.be/UF6PjCU37xI

2. Put the SD card into your computer's card reader. Go to http://please.hackmii.com/. Select 4.3U, enter your MAC address, keep Bundle the HackMii installer option checked, and try... with all your might... to enter the CAPTCHA correctly (which is my personal Achilles heel). The red wire/blue wire thing is just flair, you can choose either option. I pick RED, myself. It's a cuter color. That letterbomb will give you a .zip file, which you should open. Once inside, put the PRIVATE folder and boot.elf onto your SD card (drag and drop). Take the SD card over to your turned-off Wii and put it in. Turn on your Wii. If you need a better set of steps, here's a Youtube video: http://youtu.be/mEB4nz1gsbE

You've got mail! And it's much better than AOL spam.

3. Go to your Wii messages. Scroll back and forth if you don't see anything, it may take a second to load. As soon as you click on the letterbomb, your Wii screen will turn black and show a bunch of text. This is good!

This will happen after you select the LetterBomb in your Wii's messages.

4. Even though you can't see the Wii hand, your Wiimote still works. Use it! Click on Continue - which is already selected. The next screen, scroll up to The Homebrew Channel, click on it. That will install the Homebrew Channel. MOST INTEGRAL PART OF ALL YOUR JOY THAT FOLLOWS. It will dump you back at the same screen. Click "exit." Homebrew will load immediately. You'll see bubbles and cute shit, but nothing else... yet. TURN OFF YOUR WII, take the SD card out, and put it back into your computer.

5. Open the following link, after your SD card is in the computer: http://www.codemii.com/wiihomebrew/homebrew_browser_v0.3.9e.zip - Unzip that file! Then, make a folder on your SD card called "Apps" - put the contents of the zip file into your Apps folder on the SD card. Take the SD card out of your computer, put it back into the Wii, and turn the Wii on.

The loading screen of Homebrew.

6. Go to the Homebrew channel (which should have installed into your first empty channel slot), and click on it. You'll have the option of using the Homebrew browser, which you didn't last time. Use it! Click Load, and you'll get the above screen. Let it do its stuff for a while and eventually it should show you this:

This is basically an app store, but everything's free!

7. Navigate over to the Media tab, and somewhere near the top of the list should be WiiMC. This is the Wii Media Center, which is currently the best (but definitely not the only) Wii app that will play all your media, including DVDs! After you install it, you can exit the Homebrew Browser and access it from the Homebrew Channel. Note: this channel will not be available on your main Wii channel screen, only through the Homebrew Channel! Now you can play DVDs, CDs, Youtube Videos (even better than the native Wii Youtube App!)... and life is beautiful. ;)

I listed a few links below so you can see the ridiculously plentiful opportunities to make your Wii into an entire media center, with all kinds of awesome. If you know about Emulators, this will run Roms for basically every obsolete console. SOOO MANY POSSIBILITIES.

Best Homebrew Applications. WATCH IT.
http://wiibrew.org/wiki/Homebrew_Browser
http://hackmii.com/
GREAT list of Homebrew Apps you may like!

Spanked kids are RESPECTFUL, OBEDIENT kids - Or, A Ridiculous Romanticization of the "Old School" Version of Parenting.

The caveat of physically disciplining children: if this style of discipline worked, the children would only misbehave ONCE, get spanked, and never do it again (same goes for the prison experience). If your argument is that there are many TYPES of misbehavior that need to be corrected, you're advocating hitting a child for something THEY didn't know was wrong, otherwise, if they did, the fact that they were ever hit would serve as incentive that they should never misbehave again. Nothing makes a child perfect, and using force is just fun for a sadistic parent, a shortcut to thinking, or an automated response that perpetuates the cycle of abuse the hitter was in as a child. Respect does NOT mean FEAR, otherwise we'd respect bullies, serial killers, and terrorists. Respect does not mean automatically submitting to authority, otherwise we'd respect every politician, lawmaker, and cop. We would never break a law.

Respect "is a positive feeling of esteem or deference for a person or other entity (such as a nation or a religion), and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem. Respect can be a specific feeling of regard for the actual qualities of the one respected (e.g., 'I have great respect for her judgment'). It can also be conduct in accord with a specific ethic of respect." So, respect is reverence, consideration, and trust. Children should not respect, revere, or trust a parent who intentionally injures them - or they're being set up to expect that in adulthood. Which, if you think about it, is pretty fucked up.

I am not advocating letting a kid do whatever they want. Dahlia doesn't get to do whatever she wants, and she's also not abused. It's possible, so don't tell me it isn't.

So fuck this "pro-old-school-parenting" nonsense that's going around on Facebook. Unless you're going to laud chopping off limbs to fight crime, don't look back nostalgically as a slave fondly recalling their chains. Break free and end the cycle of abuse. And use your BRAIN when you say ugly shit like "there's a difference between hitting and abuse" because, uhp, hitting IS abuse. If you walked up to a stranger and smacked their ass, you'd get arrested. Treat kids better than strangers, not WORSE, and we'll have a better, more peaceful, more confident, more secure world.

Discipline isn't always a pain in the ass.

Yesterday, a lady told me I should come to her work and teach some classes, because she overheard me lecturing Dahlia on the importance of intention vs. action. This happened because three weeks ago we vowed to stop yelling at Dahlia completely, and start talking to her (at length if necessary) until she understood the importance of being well-behaved (on a case-by-case basis). This is pretty win/win, because we have to first examine whether or not we're potentially sanctioning an ACTUALLY bad behavior, or if we're just punishing her because she's doing something "inconvenient" but not actually bad (e.g. taking too long to put on her socks, to arrest our attention) - AND she has time to consider the consequences of her actions.


It's weird to actually say to your kid "do you need some attention right now?" ...but it's eye-opening. Sometimes she'll say "yes, you haven't been talking to me very much today, other than during school" and I'll realize she's right, I've been dicking around for half an hour arguing with some dbag in a Facebook group/cleaning/reading/ignoring all humankind. A portion of the time, however, I will be knee-deep in something of actual importance, and then she gets a lesson in patience and not being the only person on Earth. I love this kid more than the universe is ever-expanding, but if I drop every single thing I'm doing to indulge her every six year old whim, she may grow up to be an entitled dbag - and I, as a result, will become a hollow shell of a woman.


Soooo... no hitting/spanking, no yelling, lots of communication, sometimes restrictions (if she thinks it's more important to scream about something than to be free to roam, she has to sit in her room until she can calm down - those are the consequences - a bad mood is not excuse to ruin everyone else's experience). It's been extremely interesting - and not being able to lean on "because I said so" is a trip! Her tantrum/screaming/fit level is at 2% rather than an average of 10%, which I consider a great success. Also, she's started taking her OWN deep breaths to calm down, rather than waiting to be prompted to do so. WOOOOOO!

Hyphenation-Infatuation!

When Rick and I decided to enter into the Formal State of Being Married last year, we had a few conversations.

The first, admittedly, was "should we do this?" Now, to most people, if you love each other and want to spend the proverbial "forevs" together, it stands to reason that this question would be a no-brainer. Rick has always said "from day one, the first time we dated, ten years ago if you wanted to get married, I would have married you," and I always said "I will get married when I'm stupid AND on my deathbed." I've turned down every marriage proposal I've ever gotten (either at first or later on - I've never been legally married), and I always wanted to live in a perpetual state of relational freedom. Not because I'm promiscuous (I'm very not.) or because I'm too "feminist" to "buy into the patriarchal construct of buying a woman" (because whatever, marriage is what I make of it - no patriarchal construct could topple me, ever) - but because I can't even plan ahead solidly one week into the future, so the idea that an entire DIVORCE would have to stand between me and my ability to rapidly leave any situation of my choosing... was never very appealing. To say the least.

Now, there were some political apprehensions: 1. marriage is basically "hey we're in love, let's make sure the State is okay with this!" - We're anarchists. Both of us. Not just one of us, not anarchist-leaning leftists... we're anarchists. Soooo, the idea that we have to subject ourselves to filling out paperwork to inform a government we don't believe should exist that we love each other, and hope that we're not too interracial, homosexual, diseased, pre-married, unfaithful, etc (all the things that have historically meant two people couldn't get married) - so they'll say "okay, you're legit." Because we don't need a government stamp of approval to say we love each other. We both went back and forth on the idea that we should or should not get LEGALLY wed, and in the end we decided that marriage would just make the rest of our lives a bit easier (paperwork), cheaper (taxes), and more rightfully ours, together (end-of-life rights, etc - not that either of our in-laws would do something so terrible, but still).

Then, we were both talking about name changes. I am a Keorkunian, through and through. I love my roots, my family, and my name (big ups, Armenia!). I did not really WANT to give up my last name, and I think Rick understood this - even without me saying "look, pre-husband, I don't wanna change my last name, I like it. Even YOU don't like your last name, though I think it's pretty cute!" There was a point at which Rick was saying he would change HIS last name to MINE, so he'd be Richard Keorkunian - but then we both grimaced because that's my father's name. Uhm, awkward, plus he brought up how mixed up their mail could get. I don't know that the world could handle TWO Richard Keorkunians. Then, Rick volunteered to do the best thing ever: "we can both hyphenate our last names." So, on September 21, 2012 at 9am (9.21.12 at 9 - notice the palindrome, we're both kind of horribly nerdy like that) we became Kristi Keorkunian-Rivers and Richard Keorkunian-Rivers. So that was cool.

The resulting shockwaves were hilariously unexpected. My grandfather-in-law kept calling me Mrs. Rivers (now, that's my last-last name so I guess it's perfectly suitable), until he was abruptly informed by my new husband that we both hyphenated our married names. The ladies at the DMV were a bit miffed by our decision (they said in 25 years of working there, they'd seen this ONE other time) - so we doubled their workload, to their chagrin. All the paperwork we normally have to fill out (my Independent Contractor W-9s and his financial aid stuff for college) became rather intense, but it was an experience we could share together, instead of Just Me incurring this massive pain in the ass. We decided that we wanted to have a Family Family, rather than a Dad's-Head-of-Household/Mom-Just-Hangs-Out-And-Nods Family (true story, Rick once referred to me as The Alpha Spouse, if that gives you any indication as to my role in this-here-marriage). Most of my relatives figured that I would do this, so that wasn't very funny. However, my mother was shocked beyond belief that I decided to get married, at all. We've both awkwardly used the term "maiden" name with Rick's last name, even though it's SO NOT A MAIDEN NAME. If anything, it's a bachelor name, but I don't even know if that term exists. In twenty years, it'll be trendy as hell to do this - we're just ahead of the curve. Forms EVERYWHERE are too small to hold the beautiful weight of our combined married name. A quarter of the time we just say "look, just put ______" (where blank is Rivers or Keorkunian, only). We usually laugh about it.

Dahlia's still deciding on whether or not she wants another last name, which is fine by us. For now, she loves being a Keorkunian.

At any rate, I was pleased with my decision, even if Bloggers and Bureaucrats and Bitches say it's silly, rude, or annoying. People always complain about hyphenated names because the women are deciding to keep their own name tacked on rather than being swallowed by their husbands' names. It's "Too Feminist" and "uppity" and "yuppie scum" or whatever. Our marriage name situation is even WORSE by those standards, so I prefer to call it "kiss my ass if you don't like it."

But, hey, I'm the alpha spouse. It's expected of me. ;)

Mommy Boredom!

It has come to my attention that there is a pervasive issue in the Mommy community. Yesterday, I saw a post on "Code Name: Mama" that read like this:

A reader asks: HELP! I am just bored being with my kids sometimes. OK, at the moment, most of the time. What is wrong with me? Keep berating myself; I "should" be happy, loving doing unschooling stuff or God knows what. But actually I secretly want to scream. All. The. Time. And yet, when I am not with them, I miss the crap out of them. I feel stuck, and like an addict without the alcohol (because I feel like I crave distraction).

What do you do, readers, to get out of a rut?

(And as always, please be gentle - it's hard to be vulnerable and put yourself out there.)

I then used The Almighty Google Machine to check out whether or not this was a common sentiment among mothers. As it turns out, it's so ultra-common that the feelings of guilt and shame echo across hundreds of blog posts. As a mother, I have never felt this situation, but that isn't because I am a Better Mother Than Thou, but because I just have never felt bored, even for a minute, in my life. Maybe it's a neurological mishap, maybe I'm too much of a daydreamer, maybe I'm a psychotic thinker, whatever the case may be, I don't get bored. Sorry, boredom, hit the next guy. But, since I am no stranger to feeling unfulfilled and physically restless, I can give some suggestions for solving this issue. (Also, if you recall, I'm a homeschooler who has never had a babysitter other than immediate family members and my daughter's never even seen a daycare from the outside. - again I'm not saying you're wrong if you do these things, I don't judge and I don't feel superior to people who make different decisions from my own - my point is... my daughter and I are together 24/7).

Attempt #1: Browse the internet for a couple of hours when your kid's asleep (or your kids, plural, are asleep). Yes, that may mean giving your giant load of dishes the finger (or your laundry/meals/etc). Do this as a preliminary step, and the reason for this... figure out something you like. If you browse Volunteer Match, sometimes even seeing the subject matter can make you a passionate believer in the cause. Rape Crisis Center Advocate? Host an International Student? Save Journalism? - Or, if you can't leave your house for lack of babysitter: Volunteer Online! If you are too physically busy at home, read this! I'm guessing, however, that if you are too busy, boredom isn't your problem - but I digress. Give Facebook a rest for a while, and do something to help yourself (and maybe even Project Gutenburg, while you're at it).

Attempt #2: If you don't want to take your eyes off your kid for that long, talk with them about the kinds of crafts they may be interested in (if they're talking-age) - then while they're sleeping write up a proposal for a workshop/class/clinic and eventually present it to a community space owner (or someone who owns an art store/runs a YMCA/etc). Then, you can put your child in the class while you're teaching it! Or take them to the library and let them play, while you do it (or put on a movie for them and let them rot away for a little bit!). If you're not craftsy, put them in a baby swing at the park while you brainstorm ideas. If you can't do this, put the kid in a class and go hang out by yourself for a small increment of time. Like, just enough time to miss them, and have a little kid-free fun.

Attempt #3 [if you have Facebook]: Start a fan page for something you care about. I'm currently the creator of Young Thai Coconut, Even Hate Speech is Free Speech, Unconditional Parenting: Support Network, and a few others (including my jewelry Etsy page, Steel Crucible). If you're more into being a Vegan or a Crunchy Mama - join a forum! If you're a dissident (as I am), join a leafletting or protest group (either on FB or in real life) - and strap the kiddos into a stroller/leash thing if you're handing things out by a busy street.

Attempt #3 [if you DON'T have Facebook]: Make a blog. The theme of the blog could be "activities I do with my kids" and then do a bunch of quirky, creative, mind-bending activities. Others may feel bored and Google "activities for kids" or "vegetarian activities for kids" or "activities for kids with _________" see your blog and you could change their life. It's possible. You never know. If you don't have the internet at your house, take a bunch of pictures and make scrapbooks that your children can cherish later. And GET the internet! If you're resourceful enough to Homeschool or Unschool, you're resourceful enough to do something REALLY COOL that will gain recognition and be cherished by other likeminded people! ;)

Attempt #4: Start a Meetup group! If you don't have the $72 to start one on Meetup.com, use Craigslist! If you're a Wiccan, start a coven - If you're a Christian, start a Bible Study - If you're an atheist, start a Humanist group (or Marxist or Objectivist). - If you're anything, start anything. If you're nothing, become something! Your kids will thank you, in the long run.

Attempt #5: Find all the age-appropriate activities in the area - and DO them. Go to lectures, Q&A sessions, workshops, clinics, book signings, any event you can get your hands on. I live in a smallish town in Tennessee, and I can still fill my time with events. I grew up in Chicago so I have a good handle on how to find them, though it's not all that much of a head start if you're determined.

Attempt #6: If all of this fails, there are still hundreds of other activities you could incorporate into child-rearing. You only need a better attitude, some need for personal fulfillment (which you already have, since you're complaining of boredom), and the ability to drive a car, maybe.

Attempt #7: Read books. Lots of them. My daughter and I haunt the stacks almost every single day. We know most of the librarians, have a great rapport with several libraries, and also... we know a lot of shit. :) We both take learning and reading very seriously, and it gives me great personal fulfillment to be able to read right along with her, on subjects that are very near and dear to me.

Here are some other inspiring places you can go to get ideas:

http://www.notcot.org/
http://www.artfulparent.com/kids-arts-and-crafts-visual-directory.html
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/398905_516579195329_1382966585_n.jpg
http://www.teachpreschoolscience.com/lessonplanindex.html
http://www.worldatlas.com/aatlas/world.htm
PAINT THEIR FACES!
Do one of a hundred activities!
http://www.topix.com/news/activism
http://www.politics1.com/issues.htm

I hope you can report that your life has become fuller as a result of this post!